Parterapi (Couples Therapy) - It May Save Your Marriage

Divorce rates in Denmark are among the highest in the world, making the word "parterapi", Danish for couples therapy, of vital importance to a great number of Danish couples

Many people I've asked, see parterapi as a last ditch effort prior to divorce. Dissatisfied and disgruntled for a long time, one may have tried with long talks and arguments. Nothing helps. One may have spoken with friends and relatives, priests and bartenders - good advice is hard to find. Eventually one is close to giving up.

Parterapi is perceived as the last resort. A brave attempt to save a faltering realtionship. For many the thought of having to pay cash for help in working out a relationship is seen as a defeat. And it's expensive as well...

When a couple, after many deliberations, finally decides to visit a couples therapist, their expectations are often quite different. The one may already have given up and hopes for help (or courage?) to end the painful situation. Perhaps the man (or woman) doesn't really want to, but lets him/herself be "dragged" into therapy because there are no good arguments left but he/she doesn't want to be the one seen as responsible for the fiasco.

Many arrive in the hope that some quick advice will be forthcoming that can help them get back on track so they can continue with the happy realtionship they had before it all went wrong.

- and many are told, to their surprise, that the therapist cannot offer a magical cure. They discover that they need to begin a period of hard work and that the help they can get from a therapist consists of guidance and support in the rebuiding of a stable and trustful relationship. They also discover that it may take more time than they thought and that the work involved may be harder than anticipated and that progress may not be smooth but that relapses can be expected. Hopefully they will share laughter and tears along the way and find the courage to continue.

Courage is needed to open up and reveal one's thoughts and aspirations to another. It takes courage to share feelings, to allow another to see one's strengths and weaknesses. And it takes courage to open oneself to another, vulnerable and without the protection one has built up over a lifetime.

It is hardly surprising that so many give up after only a few tries. Or never come to begin with.

For those who make it through, the pain and effort are well worth the reward. An increase in self confidence, self assurance and optimism about the relationship and about life in general are often the result. The couple leaves equipped with strategies for ways of solving problems and disagreements and smoothing out difficulties. They gain insights into their own resources and into new ways of confronting each other, life and the world around them. They learn to treasure their differences.

They often say to themselves in the end: "Whay did we wait such a long time?", "What prevented us from starting earlier?", "I wonder where we'd be today if we'd started all this long, long ago?", "If only we had known"

Article Source: http://www.109b.com/artdash

Relationship problems? Ilan Wolffberg is an American parterapi expert and has been residing in Denmark for over 30 years. Check out his take on couples therapy at "What About Couples Therapy?" and in Danish at "Hvad med parterapi?"
This article is available as a unique content article with free reprint rights.

Please Rate this Article

5 out of 54 out of 53 out of 52 out of 51 out of 5 

Not yet Rated